I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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