lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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