smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
