Jerry, you need to find god
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize