he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
