I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Never underestimate the power of titties
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
