one two three fourrrrnication!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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