She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
