We won't sleep together?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
