Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
