Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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