this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
