you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
