my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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