Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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