I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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