Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
