ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
