I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
