We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
