If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize