I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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