i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
