Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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