All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
