I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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