Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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