Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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