He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
