Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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