i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
