is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
