Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
