google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
