oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
