i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
