i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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