bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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