I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
