why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
