I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
