wakey wakey hands off snakey
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
