Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she smelled like a LAN party
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
