Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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