So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
