btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
