The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Randomize
