ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize