he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
