Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
