he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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