I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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