I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
