Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
