My first STD was from a foam party
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
