so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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