That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
