He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
