omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize