I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My vagina is very pro this idea
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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