just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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