don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
