I wish life had little blips of pornography
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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