you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
