Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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