is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
