Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize