turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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