bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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