bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
