we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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